♥ ^_^

I miss someone badly...
and im not suppose to feel this way...
I dont know how...
My heart just think by itself...
and my head dont even have the time to think and put some warning to my heart...

But I chose to live the 'now'...
not in the future nor in the past...

so I will cherish this moment...

~My Diaries~

Found my long abandoned diaries on my bookshelf...and read them page to page...=b & decided to blog about them...Ive chosen a few to display here =b...

enjoy...=)

*Click on picture to enlarge*

My 1st diary...1995-96...=b

Inden's

Idel's

J.Kay's...apparently the other sis never write my diary...*sigh*

Ojoy's


Debra's



My 2nd Diary, 1997...=b

Lum Kok Leong's


Nickey's

Frankie's


Cynthiana's


Tompok's


Clarice's


Jezz's


Ninewjo's and Andy's


Evendy's


Gerard's

I kinda miss the old times...makes me ponder and smile at those funny and precious moments that we can never get back...Life is indeed imponderable, strange...I wonder whats going on in their lives...they have their own path to follow now...

Just another Sunday

Didnt go to church this morning..sent my dad's phone at pusat kbudayaan(he forgot his hp)...then went to early lunch..or should i call it brunch since it was before 12pm and after 9...was it? aiii.....

Anyway....After me and my mum had brunch some where in luyang(Kadai Cina just beside Salim Curry House)... went off to Lido Pasar....and helped my mom shopped for the kitchen....hehe... actually i just helped my mom to carry all the ikan2 and the poultry2...and the vege2...okay at least i did helped my mum to pick some ikan....i did learned how to choose a fresh ikan...so after that my mom went to beli nombor...hehe...me as usual ikut2...try my luck.... (just now I checked stc 4d result ... unfortunately no luck .. damn...i should think more about numbers nowadays...so that i dreeam about numbers...and maybe i finally have some story to share...)

So after that ...asked my mom to drop me at karamunsing...kai kai around karamunsing for awhile...got sms from lucien....met him there...and we headed to Classic... So I have no plan whatsoever hairstyle that i want....i know that I wanted to color my hair....but have to depend on how much budget that i have that time....

so at Classic...asked the hairdresser about the cost and so on....I said I want to cut( RM26) my hair...w/out making my hair short(hahah budu...ada ka gitu)... and asked about hairtreatment and color my hair it cost RM65 + RM200!!!...damn so I have to switch my plan...so I decided to color my hair next month....so much for looking good huh....(I MUST color my hair next month!)
saw one nice hairstyle in one of their mag and decided to cut just like that...in 5 minutessss ....DONE...!!! he started to blow my hair...."is that it???" for RM26...so he asked whether im satisfied with my hair...of course was not...what i saw... was my old hair....nothing seems to change....so i asked him to make it slightly different...so he recommended to cut my fringe short and asked my permission...so in doubt i said " ngam bah kan?" ..then he replied"ngam bah kau kiut..".and there I smile feeling so cute... damnnnn i was so proud of myself...and was so vainnn *prasan*...okay maybe skill marketing bah tu...saddd....lepas gunting and treatment... siap...bayar....keluar ...and lucien commented...."sama juga tu" .......-_-S......dia fikir mura ka sia bayar... ..okay its okay...anyway i thought this was another bad haircut that i got.....damn...

so as we walked ...just walked with no direction....there i saw jack my colleague walking straight to where i was walkin g....OMG OMG.... My hair.... my hair....BIDA BIDA....damn....so i quickly walked the other side beside Lucien...(I think he saw me ...maybe he saw me trying to avoid himm....hahah...so he pretended not to see me.... sorry jack..not what i intended to do....I just feel soooooo ashamed of my hair...haha..budu.... OR maybe he didnt saw me at all...=b...hehe=))so..as i walked passed some mirror ... had a glimpse of my hair...not that baddd....so my self-esteem recovered....

So after that went to find a 4G pendrive...saw stephen...talked with him....stephen promoted his digi postpaid or whatever to lucien...and i went round and round searching for cheap pendrive....the cheapest that i could find .. RM29....I was sooo lucky...

Then had another late lunch... kfc lagi tu....blanja luciennnn...and then went to kbox after accompany dia p smoke...ni budak arrr...sang 4 songs...then off we go....lucien to bb cafe and me home sweet home..... guess what...bus full....shootttt.....i waited until slightly over 6...only reached home at slightly before 7...THANK GOODNESS..Im alive.....I was scaredddd that time.. scared of walking aloneeeee ESPECIALLY when its dark...but I have to cook....I need to be at home on time ...I dun want to wait another bus...and i dun wan to use taxi bcos i know its going to be expensive...because i doubt my safety as well...

home....cooked...Have a bowl of soup for dinner...

And here I am typing this blog...this nothing-much-blog....I know no one will read this ...but its okay....I will read this some time in the future.... for my memory sack...its good to flash back....


p/s ~ *sigh* i resigned,,, Im happy yet sad to leave BET...

I want Merdeka, I want Freedom..

Merdeka day..
*dup dap*...*dup dap*... my heart beat..
and the clock ticking fast...*tic toc*..*tic toc*..

Wanting to stop...and move on...and do what im supposed to do long time ago...what I SHOULD DO....WHAT I MUST...RED colored goal in my goal list....'top priority goal'that is yet to be accomplished..

hmm...here i am...having no idea what to type...hesitating whether to do it or not..ive been procrastinating for as long as i could remember....procrastinate no more...!

I cant imagine life without them...this is one of the hardest thing to do..of course i will never lose them...but i know it will never be the same anymore.... Never... i i hope im wrong about that..But my instinct insist that it will never be the same ...they will be the people in my past who happened to be in my life for a short term of period....it really upset me...i still hope im wrong...

But what i feel is not the most important thing..i have given alot of excuses to myself and to others...and i couldnt remember a single thing i said anymore....i must think of the days that are yet to come...must never sit still in my comfort zone....im scared....but i have to do it..~~grow maria...growwww~~~...u have no idea how much im scared of this time to come....i am delaying my fear....i am trying to ignore my fear...im totally ignoring my fear...

world..im scared,but here i come....

FRIENDS....

for me...very difficult to find....

so many friends....so little connection...

However others find friends- is still a wonder for me....

I have many friends...but not many that i can rely on....

Of course a few exception...and i think that is GOOD enough...

And they are GOD's Gift from heaven...

And I know ...there must be a reason...

why a lot of so-called friends didnt make it to my present...

Maybe it's not just because they are not good enough...

but maybe God have plans for us to meet in the future....

so that we won't take friendship for granted anymore....